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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Gah!

Jim is on vacation in the swamps of the Florida Panhandle, pity him.
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Today's recipe: Ice Tea (Southern Style)

1 gallon of water
1 small tea bag (optional)
1 GIANT FUCKING DUMP TRUCK of white sugar

Diabetes and lemon to taste

16 comments:

  1. You're really trying to bring out my inner redneck, ain't'cha? We invented ice tea, ya damnyank, if you don't like it, go back to Boston or wherever it is y'all come from.

    ::starts trying to remember a Skynard tune to defiantly hum::

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  2. That's Deep South Tea. Those boys have had their brains addled by the heat and the fisrt thing to go is the sugar receptors.

    You need some Tennessee, Kentucky or Virginia iced tea - not as much sugar, and a mint sprig. I thought NC did the same, but Eric's making me wonder if they haven't been invaded by Georgians.

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  3. I lived in Ft. Lauderdale in 73, only good thing I can remember about it is that it encouraged my then wife to wear even less than normal.

    She was an early adopter of the the string and her idea of street/office wear, as it was of most 20-30 year old women, was a long tee, belt and heels.

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  4. John that's our tea indeed, to a tee. But after Jim dissed Willie Nelson, I'm not sure he's giving us a reliable review. Just saying. I mean, a man who disrespects Willie Nelson....

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  5. And you claim to be a respecter of science. Bah!

    Anybody knows that the colder the tea is, the harder it is to get the sugar to melt into it. If you want your tea sweet, you need enough to leave 3 inches of sugar sludge at the bottom. (You can just re-use it and keep adding more sugar as the level goes down.)

    I swear, I don't know how some of you Northerners manage to get dressed in the morning.

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  6. Actually Nathan...

    To make sweet tea, you add the sugar while the tea is still hot. This allows the tea to absorb a greater amount of sugar than it would when it was cold--essentially Southern Tea is a supersaturated liquid.

    Adding sugar after the tea has cooled down makes a different drink entirely. That drink is called "crunchy tea."

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  7. Exactly what Random Michelle said. It's Physics. Wendy's is currently running adds for their sweet tea and specifying that the tea is brewed with real cane sugar, implying that McD's sweet tea may be a typically ersatz product.

    When cooled, sweet tea sugar comes out of the solution, or else you add a couple of packets of sugar -- often without tasting it first, because if it isn't a supersaturated solution, then "that chile ain't right".

    Dr. "I went to high school in NC" Phil

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  8. You can talk about the physics of supersaturated suspensions all you want, sweet tea still isn't tea, it's fucking Cool-Aid - and it is revolting.

    If you ask for "unsweetened" tea, they look at you like you've lost your mind, then they bring you the tea, plus a giant container of sugar and a spoon, then the waitress stands there as if she's required to ensure that you add sugar.

    They are just flabbergasted when I drink it without sugar. Plain?! You drink it plain?, but that's just...uh... No sugar? Are you crazy?

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  9. See? See what I mean? This isn't a "good South vs. the WTF? South kind of thing." This is a man who is such a Yankee he had to go all the way up to the Arctic Circle to be "Northern" enough, who comes from a place so far away their Governor makes a big deal about how they're practically Russkies, coming down South and telling us how to make our #2 beverage (and I guaran-damn-tee you he'll be complaining about our whiskey next, just you wait and see).

    He doesn't even want a single sucrose molecule in his iced tea, is what the issue here is. He probably would prefer it if he could order it hot and he could drink it with his pinkie stuck out while he talks about figure skating or ice hockey and complains about how uncomfortable he feels when all the old ladies call him "sugar" or "darlin'" and everybody's always so, so... what's the word he's looking for? Oh, yeah, polite.

    Tell us how to make iced tea? You don't see us coming up there to tell you how to make an igloo or club a seal, do you? No, we would show the manners our Mamas brought us up with and would ask y'all how y'all would make the igloo or club the critter to death on the ice, and we'd do it y'all's way instead of just sleeping in a trailer or filling the seal with buckshot--because we respect that y'all have your ways and we have ours. And we wouldn't complain about how y'all don't know how to make chicken-fried anything, at least not where you'd hear us.

    'Cause we was raised right.

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  10. If you were raised right, you'd know how to drink tea...

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  11. Careful Eric,

    Next thing you know he's gonna be complaining about the waitress bringing him a salt shaker with his watermelon.

    Philistine.

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  12. Right now, I'd kill for food that isn't fried and smothering in gravy.

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  13. Mmmm... fried chicken smothered in gravy... fried pork chops smothered in gravy... fried gravy smothered in gravy....

    ::drool::

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  14. do I hear chickin' fried steak?

    Jim, don't feel bad, the first time I ordered tea in the South (somewhere in NC) many years ago I was shocked when they brought me a big-ass glass of sweet ICED tea. My teeth still hurt from the experience.

    Most places around Atlanta will ask if you want sweet or unsweet. But as you're so close to LA*, that may not apply...

    And John, sounds more like you're talkin' 'bout that Southern Sippin' Tea, made by Jack, Jim, or Johnny...

    WendyB_09

    *LA - Lower Alabama

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  15. ::starts trying to remember a Skynard tune to defiantly hum:

    FREE BIRD!!!

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  16. Mmmm... fried chicken smothered in gravy... fried pork chops smothered in gravy... fried gravy smothered in gravy....

    How's about some fried gravy smothered in gravy?

    The South's Motto: if it ain't fried, it ain't food.

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